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Tuesday, February 07, 2006 - 2:28 PM
it's been hell these passed few days..
everything seems to be going bad for me.. i mean, will i be able to cope up with all of this?
first of all, there's this problem with AA again. ate mimi doesn't seem to understand how hard it is for me to do all of these work for her. i mean, how could i get get costumes if i don't have the money yet.. and her constant blabbering doesn't make my job (or anybody else's job) any easier. she seems to be enjoying herself, making others (especially me) feel that we cannot do anything. last night, when i was on my way home on the LRT, she made a call. that really ruined all of me! ugh.. i just didn't get the purpose of that call.. maybe to further let me feel that i cannot do things.
what pisses me off is that she thinks SHE's always right. when i tell her my part, she chews it in her mouth, spits it out again and tadda: everything i said was wrong and she's right. well, she's not.
she doesn't know every problem that i am going through. i can't even think how i manage to smile.
when i have problems, i tend to curl myself into a big ball of thinking (e.g. self-pity, brainstorming, etc.). i am not used to dealing with these problems with anybody.. and usually, after i've curled up into that ball, i come up with a solution.. at the last minute or so..
i don't know, maybe because i am so used to being alone that i cannot manage to let anyone help me with my problems. i would appreciate the knowledge that even though i feel this crappy, they are still there.. but to let them know my problems is something that i cannot do easily.
maybe, this attitude of mine makes people feel that i do not appreciate them.. or maybe that i neglect them..
i stumbled on two of my poems that i didn't post here before. one was in my phone, and the other one in my yahoo notepad. here, come and see.
Untitled
Will i be like this forever?
A dead heart with dead desires..
A funny cadaver that pretends to live,
feigning beatitude.
I hold on to what i only have,
and what i only have is nothing..
In this, nothing really doesn't exist,
because for me, nothing is somthing.
Broken are the ideals i possess.
I will never be whole..
A part of me is lost.
All i have is noting..
I weep.
Oath
he who broke my silent pain.
who swore to ease the pain...
to take me out of the rain..
wipe me dry..
just to take away the pain
not to let me cry...
i weep. i cried.
i lost my soul...
he brought it back..
though he himself is shattered..
he tries to be whole..
just to fix me..
the scars are slowly healing..
my poems are really tragic.. and so is my life.
ehjiboi got weird at 2:28 PM
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