Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 3:45 PM
of weddings and parties and alcohol
imagine. you are in a church, old stone walls and the smell of sampagita. you are in your white gown, walking down the aisle. your groom waiting for you in front, giving you that welcoming smile that you would both share forever. everyone was smiling at you, some throwing flowers as you walk by. some were crying, not because of grief, but because they are seeing you walk in that aisle. no more single you. in a few moments you will be wed and you will work on your happily ever after.
then the bell tolls.
not the happy *ding ding ding* that you were expecting, but a rather solemn, ringing sound. death bells.
SUKOB ang kasal mo.
Sukob, a film by Chito S. Rono (Ronyo, i do not know how to write the enye) made me jump up my seat in horror (and that doesn't happen a lot).
Filipino movies are really getting better. especially with horror films. i usually laugh at pinoy films, whether comedy or suspense, because the plot is easy to anticipate. but lately i have been loving pinoy films, and Sukob is one film that you should get to see. its creepy plot itself is enough to make you shiver. the suspense and the shock you get from hanging corpse (ehehe) will surely make you grip the hands of whoever you are sitting next to.
plus, the chanting is catchy.
kasal, sumpa, kasal, sumpa...
i died twice one night.
first was when i was being help-up, my hands cuffed, feet tied with rope. the second was when one friend jumped off a very high place with me.
of course i woke up before i died.
but these two dreams were so disturbing. the fact that i had them in one night somehow made me think, about what? i don't know. weird. it must mean some message or something.
when you are in a debut party, you expect people to be happy and smiling. you greet the debutant a happy birthday, give her a gift (i skipped this part, but i will do it eventually), and go on and mingle with the guests which is normally your friends from highschool.
you wouldn't do anything to ruin the night for your debutant fiend. you must be happy to see them. a friend kisses on the cheeks and catching up with each other's lives.
you eat and become merry with your friends.
you drink beer and remember some things. you drink more beer and remember more things. you drink a lot of beer then you get brave and you fight with each other. you dig up grudges and get mad and people around try (in vain) stop you.
on the other side of the room you sit quietly, thinking of how the debutant feels, seeing her friends fight and curse at each other. then you stand because a stupid guy wants to punch a girl, then he threatens you. you just look at him, half scared of what might happen, half ready to bring this guy down. but you stand nevertheless.
everyone goes outside. people get things settled. more shouts. crying. rain. and it is around one in the morning.
you go home. think for a while. then sleep it all off.
Monday, July 24, 2006 - 5:15 PM
so how long have i been gone?
too long for me to remember.
and so what did i do during this period of absence?
a lot. too many for me to remember.
i am feeling a little bit of death in me. i feel dead. and it is all because of the myriads of stuff that i have to do.
AA already accepted this year's apprentices, and ofcourse there will always be the showcase of talents. i have been doing illegal stuff, like helping the apprentices with their showcase, but heck. the batch before me did this to us also. and besides, i like this new batch.
for the past few weeks (weeks palang ba?) i have been riding on an emotional roller coaster. love and life and the heck of living. i am in the stage of uncertanty (again?). every blur that i pass by made an impact on who i am. now i don't know where i stand. and no matter how much of the anti-nausea pills that i take, i can't help but to vommit.
i will be leaving taytay very soon. i'll take a room near beda. i am tired of going home..
anyways, till here then. my mind isn't working that well. maybe i'll reblog tomorrow.
Thursday, July 06, 2006 - 6:39 PM
Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination.
i went there to help with the concepts for the next play.
Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another's positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.
i was there, trying to keep my cool. everybody was shouting. i wanted to scream. i did not come to that place to feel like this. no. i am not letting these feelings take over me.
Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together.
i was hating. i was having fun. i was angry, but i didn't want to show it. i was frustrated about something. work. deadlines. people who were not working. i was sad and i wanted to cry.
If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.
then it hit me. THEY were feeling these emotions. i was just there, as always. and i am feeling them at the same time. i was angry at them without any particular reason. i knew one of them was angry. i had to go so i could avoid saying anything that i don't really mean. i left.
- 1:10 PM
i am in a mental void.
can't think. must act fast.
effects of coffee and yosi.