Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 10:43 PM
pogi mo ngayon ah..
there i was.. sitting on the table with the rest of my AA friends as we eat our way through the buffet. names were being called. i check on my phone as the people come up on stage to light up one of the candles. still no message from him.
i wasn't really paying much attention to what they were saying.. i couldn't concentrate.. where is he? it's already 10pm and he hasn't replied to any of my mesages.
'for the next candle, i would like to call the rest of the AA freshmen..'
mingu's voice returned me to sense. i stood up and took a candle. we gave our messages and went back to our table: still no reply.
i was losing the idea that he would come.. along with the idea that this night would be fun..
the last candle. it was the end of the debut party of my friend Mingu. i knew i had to be happy for her.. but i was still thinking of him. why hasn't he even texted me???
we went out. i was planning on drowning myself with beer (and perhaps some shots of tequila) at Mingu's 'party-hard' portion of the night, when i saw him outside, with the other AA people.
haha.. nakaka-praning nga pag mahal mo ung tao. turns out he didn't have load and so did everybody else around him at the rehearsals. he told me that they would be finished by 10pm, so i was expecting him to text me up. hay.. buhay nga naman oh..
anyway, we had to spend time together at mingu's. we drank.. well, i had more drinks.
-oh, and my AA superior all know about us. aargh.. i was afraid of this before. i knew i would be put on the spotlight. but heck, even though some of them would rather tend to be lax about the concept of US being together.. i didn't care anymore. all i know is that i love him.
he also introduced me to his friends and his classmates. ugh.. his friends look at me as if i was a seven-year old kid. haha.. i know they're just kidding.. but still.. i feel like i am being asked a very hard question by a professor whenever i am with them.. especially Dymes.. Adrian, did i get the spelling right? baka pagalitan na naman ako nun eh. ü-
anyway, back to mingu's debut. we woke up at around 12:30pm today. we were in idle mode at first, but were shocked when gina alajar looked in our room. apparantly, there was going to be a shoot at mingu's house for GMA. hehe..
oh, and a funny thing is that a man thought i was one of the talents for their show. as much as i wanted to say yes, i had to say no. :)
arrived at around 8pm at our house.
sigh.. i think i am no longer used to not being around him..
Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 10:04 PM
has the world ended?
i wouldn't have noticed.
aarrggh.. what? i haven't posted for this long? grr..
i have so much to tell you, but one post wouldn't be enough. so i'd probably summarize everything in here.
yes, i had my 18th birthday last januay 10. and it was a hell of fun.
this was my very first surprise birthday.. with balloons and cake and all.
my best birthday eve, thanks to one person.. mwah.
prelims.. the end part 2
wah. we had our prelims last week.
well, i have nothing to worry about because i just have four subjects for this sem.. but eco's quite hard. hope i pass.
y a really, really special day for me.
i know this wouldn't give much justice to the importance of this day. neither would it give as much emotion as i had.. but on this day. adrian and i became official. 7 :00pm, while watching (or rather, not watching House of Wax). ugh.. since this day i haven't stopped smiling.
to Adrian Gret:
if you're reading this, i have one thing to say.
I LOVE YOU
hope everything works out. i will make things work out. i was afraid, you know.. of having someone like you. i wasn't even sure if i would believe that a person so good would have feelings for me. i thought you were only joking.. i men.. it was too good to be true..
'when you love, it's not destiny or chance at work. you love because you choose to.'
-the jist of a message you've sent me..
thanks for choosing me.
Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 7:18 PM
'loving him was one things i was afraid of..
and i was right, it hurts ..
but i thank him anyway..
i learned to let go..
he taught me how to let go..
he taught me what love really is..
and now i think..
it was never him.'
last night, i went partying with new people.
malate was not quite the same, maybe because i've been away fro the place for so long.. or maybe it's because i went there with a whole new crowd.
anyway, i met new friends there: jhey and chris. we got to hang out a lot last night, especially with jhey.
-jhey, hmm.. actually he's a really good guy. he's really kind and could really bring out topics without forcing it. he's very boyfriend-ish (hekhek.. even considered being his) but one thing hindered the idea: we became friends-
okay, back to the subject. there we were in malate, people were dancing (and in my case, sitting) the night away. jhey and i were having a conversation about a guy he likes. well, i happen to know more about this guy, and i think jhey would be better off without him.
but, as always, the heart overpowered the brain. he tried the risk (and oh, what a big risk it was). i said that he should brace himself for the worst. to myself, i was thinking that their relationship would last for at least a week.
we went back to the bar and behold: the guy was kissing someone else.
my premoniton came in 7 days earlier. the 'relationship' didn't even last for a day. jhey was really upset. he went out (i followed). i knew this would happen, but not this soon. i was holding back a strong urge to say 'i told you so'. we went somewhere away from them (and somewhere near the trash bin, unfortunately) and there, he wept.
i stayed with him because i know the feeling of being cheated on. and it really is NOT a good feeling. i wanted to do something, but i couldn't find anything else to do but let him cry on me.
uggh.. love makes people so stupid.
that is why i have become quite numb to the feeling. i maybe depriving myself of a great thing, which is to love. but i would rather not get hurt while being in love. it's both sad but logical.
after this, we went back to the bar. i told him that he should not think about what happened too much and enjoy the night. and so he did. he left for some, uhm.. purpose.
the rest of us stayed at the bar. they were dancing (and doing some other things you could only do at the biology bar). i was, yes, sitting.
we went to baywalk at four where jhey rejoined us. we talked more and then we left.
stupid people in love..
there's no life in love, so there's no such thing as 'lovelife'.
Sunday, January 01, 2006 - 7:46 PM
3... 2... 1...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
while everybody was outside, enjoying the deafening boom and the smell of gunpowder from the fireworks, i was sitting inside our house, away from the smell and the noise.
haha.. but i came out a little later. i got to party with my neighbors.
anyway, what's new this new year?
- a new dog. a boxer we stole from our father's house (haha.. kidding. my dad kinda gave her to us) who was affectionately named by my half-sister as 'spike'. very ingenious.
- new clothes, sandals, and other stuff. thanks to christmas.
- new friends! hope to get closer this year.
- new realizations. you'll be surprised.
that's about it for now. toodles.