Saturday, July 30, 2005 - 11:16 AM
and the best actor for the year 2005 is...
i was sitting quietly in that dark, cold room.. my hands sweaty, my head swirling in angst.. this is it.. the moment that i've been waiting for.. at the same time the moment that i am dreading..
and the best actor is..
we were required to come to the award's night as a local 'jologs' actor. i came in as joross gamboa. anyways, i really didn't expect to be the best actor, as i know that i still am not a good one. but i'll get there, someday.. hehe..
i just have to say congratulations to my group, the TAMBULIs, hehe.. our director won the best director award AND the best actress award.. wohoo! and my 'girlfriend' won the best cameo role award. Tek won the best Prod manager award and Ira and Abby for best Technical Design.
and most of all, we won the Best Play award, har. am so proud of you guys.
anyways, what i didn't see coming was me being nominated for the AA cutie award, w/c would be voted on through text lines. ughh.. sino naman ang nang-trip sakin?? hehe.. well, i didn't win the top place, but..
and i got to go on the stage because of a special reason, har. but i can't really reveal it here, because some of you might not understand. basta, i'm proud that i've done what i did.. i just hope you'd understand..
geh, till here nlang muna. i still have an arts appreciation to attend to. we will be watching 'karsel' and we are to critic on that movie.. ciao!
Thursday, July 28, 2005 - 12:24 PM
my skeletal body needs some serious rest.. seriously..
ughh.. i'm totally out of the system. i mean, yesterday i got to go home early (yay!). i was looking forward to watching Naruto, but i've realized that i missed so much of it that i couldn't understand it anymore. grr...
anyways, now that i am back to being an almost normal student again, i have to face the everyday challenges in school.. a.k.a 'the professors'. yesterday, i was running late for my first class, which is journalism. when i opened the door to our classroom, i was shocked to see our math teacher handing out what looked to be one of the worst things that could happen to anyone: a quizz.
heck! what's this? what happened to journalism??
i was thinking of this line, maybe becuase i've read the thirteen-page assignment and math taking the time of journ would make my effort futile. but i couldn't do anything so i just summoned all of my mathematical prowess and faced the epitome of all surprise quizzes. har.
here comes the melodramatic part of the day.
hmm.. what if you were to choose between the one you love and the one who loves you, which would you pick? what if you have feelings for your friend, but you don't want to lose that friendship by taking a risk?
i confessed already.. i told my friend that i was starting to develope feelings.. but i didn't want to lose our friendship. and besides, meron na siya.. at ako.. damn! and the hard part is, nag confess din siya..
i wanted to get away from it all.. so i said goodbye.. but i can't...
"parang meron na din akong feelings para sayo eh.. pero ewan ko ba.. kung kelan pa kami nagkaayos.. dun ka pa nag confess.."
shocked. i was drenched with a mix of emotions.. i didn't know if i would be happy, or if i would cry.. the thing has gone complicated.. what next?
har. this, my friends, is just one of my day-dreaming session gone nuts. putting myself into one of these scenes and trying to feel the emotion kinda prepares me for certain things in life which are 'unavoidable'..
Acta est fabula, plaudite!
yes, i agree.. but the show must go on..
A liar must be good at remembering.----Quintilian
Friday, July 22, 2005 - 10:06 PM
at long last, the Artistang Artlets Apprentice showcase i finally over. goodbye to the late nights of rehearseals and tiresome days of.. rehearsals. well, at least for now, that is.
ugghh.. some people ask me why i put myself into so much work, knowing that i still am not a member of AA but 'just a mere apprentice'. well, this is my answer: i do this because i want to. i want to prove that i could get over the snide comments and the violent reactions. hehe.. wait lng. parang speech na tong gnagawa ko eh.
anyways, i'm happy about my group in AA. sobrang close na nmin with each other.. TAMBULI, wlang limutan oki? wlang mag qu-quit! patay sakin mag-quit!!
anyways, pmunta me a data access para sa poster nmin.. then i find myself reminiscing the day when the POT was still in circulation.. kilalala pa me nung guard dun. tapos i went to chowking, yung intayan nmin nun before we go to work.. haayy.. i miss my friends..
seeing pictures of the past makes me feel nostalgic.. pictures of my highschool friends, the things that we do together, pictures of me before.. and the picture of my passed love.. sheesh.. pathetic na ba ulit?
i feel sad, i want to turn back time and relive the past. but i know it's impossible.. i don't want to feel sad.. i wanted to erase the pictures, so that i might finally forget.. but i didn't want to.. i didn't want to forget that once i had a peron that i see myself with in the future.. once..
i must leave you because i cannot live without you..
yes, this line again haunts me.. it i true, at least for me..
i will not forget. my friends and my love. i won't..
Monday, July 11, 2005
- 7:23 PM
this, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time i've ever used the free internet service of our University.
hehe.. anyways, i have this meeting for the Journalese, which is the publication for the Journalist Society, but i forgot where and when the meeting would be happening. i texted the news editor already but wla parin akong reply na natatanggap. ughh.. i hope i get there, i really want to develope my skills in writing.
we still have classes later, and i'm not looking forwanrd to the stuff that we will be having later. AND we still have pictorials later at 7pm for that drasted, uhmm.. i mean challenging play that we would be showing for the critics. *shivers* uggh, i now have to use euphemisms just to make my life look and sound better. here are some other euphimisms that i have in mind.. la lng.
rape victim= 'the unwilling sperm reciever'
rapist= 'the overly willing sperm donor'
leper= 'physically challenged'
haggard, wasted, hungry, tired = 'AA apprentices'
thief= 'the unfortunate simpleton diagnosed to be a kleptomaniac'
old maid= 'kind, beautiful elderly lady who sacrificed her life for the sake of the welfare of others'
deranged, mentally obscured paranormal psychomanica= 'me'
well, gotta find that freakin' meeting. ciao for now.
- 7:35 AM
the thing is.
i had the most stressful day of my life.
well, maybe i'm exaggerating..
anyways, we had our library orientation kanina. and as usual, all i did was to beleaguer my seatmate (the unfortunate Yohan) and find insults on how the visual was presented. after this, back to ordinary student sked na kmi..
aargh! we had our first quiz on philosophy and guess what, i totally flunked it. ughh.. if only our oh-so-kind professor made the questions more 'un-philosopherish' then i MIGHT have answered them properly. i mean, we get the point. di naman kami tanga.. pero it's as if his mission in life is to make our lives a lot more complicated and to tell us all that we need doctorates for us to reach his level of intelligence.. ugh!!
moving on to the more darker side of the day, we had our practice for the showcase after class. AND we were rebuked by our advisers because of the slow developement of our play! ughh.. i'm starting to feel how hard it is to really be in teatre.. i mean, Artistang Artlets is not your highschool play. it's the real deal. and i'm a little anxious that i wouldn't be able to play my part that well.. pero i will do all i can to prove that i have it in me.. somewhere.
buti nlang i have my friends. hehe.. uhmm.. and i'm not lonely anymore.. basta.. secret ko nlang muna yun.
tomorrow would be our pictorial for our poster.. calltime: 7am! uggh.. i gotta have some kind of rest.. maybe i'd sleep while riding the LRT.. hmm..
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
- 5:53 PM
just another night
The P.O.T Goes to La Salle
hehe.. parang news anah??
anyways, i recieved a text message from the lit editor of la salle antipolo asking if he could submit a short story for our publication. note: college junior na sya ha. hehe.. la lng, nkakaflatter kasi eh. tsaka he told me that The P.O.T is being used as a 'model' for their school paper.. hmm.. nyahehe..
yesterday's class was great. college is getting to be a lot more fun, lalo na if you have a lot of friends. kaso there's this one subject that i won't seem to like anytime soon: Philosophy. kasi nman noh, the teacher is sooooo hard to get along with. he always insert the topic of 'sex', sure yan. wlang pnalalagpas na araw na hindi yun mapag-uusapan. i just keep to myself, mahirap na eh. meron daw kasi siyang 'doctorates in five courses. take it or leave, i don't care.' (cue for strong wind to blow, lighting to strike..) tsk tsk..
ughh.. went home late last night. i got to hang with my friends, we had a great time! Jaymee yung promise mo ha?! next thursday na yan, hehe..
so till here nlang muna.. got to get to class pa. GA ng journ soc ngaun, and i don't want to miss yet another program. ciao!
Monday, July 04, 2005
- 1:38 PM
do you think that you really know me? i mean, does knowing my name suggest that you know who i am? you don't know me at all!
don't ever talk to me like you know everything about me. heck, my classmates know more than you do! at least they know that i don't smoke and i don't do drugs! and for your information, i don't go to concerts on a regular basis, as to what you have accused me of. sure, i go home late, but that's because i have extra curricular activities.. i'm not a delinquent!!
so if by chance you see this, i hope you realize what you've done. you've provided a life for us, a life of eternal pain and yearning for a family.. yearning for love...
are you happy now?
the black sheep
Saturday, July 02, 2005
- 11:21 PM
it's been a very tiring week for me, and i really need to rest.
anyway, something's been bothering me for the passed few days. i felt like i needed to bring this up or i'll surely breakdown.. so here goes..
it pains me to think that for one moent i'm in this surreal reality of being happy in a relationship, then the next moment i find myself aching for the past.. when i was still foolishly thinking that i've found happiness in the hands of love..
how could love do this to me?? crying is not an option, and i will definitely not cry.. but still, one couldn't help but wish that somehow you'd wake up and find yourself wrapped around the arms of someone who loves me for who i am...
i may sound very pathetic.. well, im feeling kinda pathetic today, maybe even apathetic... i feel that i've been going down this melodramatic, black-and-white hole that was called 'heartbrake'.
haha... i laugh my feelings off, pretending that i'll be just fine... that i'll get over it. but deep inside i think things over, and i worry that i may not be able to trust love anymore.
i walk the University and i see pretty faces and i unconciously think of how it would feel like to be truly in love... it doesn't really matter to me if you look like a model or otherwise. im actually a fool for love, love brakes all of my defenses. and if i'm not careful, i might find myself hurting once more.
all i want now is get on with my life, and hopefully find that person who'd take me for me. yung makaka-ride sa kakulitan ko and all...
share ko lng toh, sobrang medyo tinamaan ako pagkasabi samin ng prof nmin sa lit tong line na toh:
i have left you because i cannot live without you..
haay.. love just give me the creeps...