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Monday, December 05, 2005 - 12:38 AM
shit happens.
everytime i try to go into a relationship, i give all of myself. 100%. no more, no less. but with all of the passed relationhips i have had, i have learned to hold back. before, it's pure heart. now, i use my brain..
damn.
i thought if i held back, i wouldn't be hurt. wrong! i still feel pain, the same pain that i am so used to feeling. but the holding back that i did have its effect. it acted as a pincussion, for the blog that i was expecting.
i mean, what is there to expect? from the start i felt that he wasn't that serious. he was doing it just for the sake that 'he got me.' it was his bestfriend at first.. he told me that his bestfriend liked me. then he told me that he liked me too. flattery.
of course, i tagged along. i wanted to see what was going to happen. i chose him over his bestfriend. i thought it wouldn't hurt to try. but i had this feeling that something was not right. i should've listened more closely.
ughh.. i've let myself get into thi 'relationship' of sorts. i played with the players. i had a bad feeling even from the start. i wanted to feel how a player feels, because i was almost always the toy. but i couldn't handle it. i couldn't turn bad. i am loyal.
8 minutes. it's been three minutes since the break-up. but is it a real break up? have we been really a piece for us to be broken? we were more of a puzzle with some of the pieces lost. we were not whole to begin with, so i couldn't really consider this a break up.
or am i just saying this to console myself.
sigh.
ehjiboi got weird at 12:38 AM
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