BLOG
Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 3:15 PM
'spike?!'
my brother kept on shouting her name. i, on the other hand, have already accepted the fact that she's gone and suited myself in sulking on our sofa and drowed myself in remorse..
our dog was dognapped.
yup, that's right. some loser took our dog. my lola woke me up right after she saw that spike wasn't where she was supposed to be. i went outside, hoping that spike was just around, looking for some cat to chase. but she wasn't.
my brother was awake by the time i returned. he too was hoping that spike was just around. then i saw something, or in this case, i didn't see something.
my jacket was missing. i left it outside to dry the other night. i realized that the burglar didn't only fancy my dog, he also liked my jacket.
poor spike, she probably went peacefully with the culprit. that dog was way too friendly, too friendly for her own sake. i was devastated and i couldn't return to sleep (it was around 3am).
i have written here that spike was a headache.. well, i want my headache back..
what's more is that later that day, my lola lost her phone. she left it outside for a while (to turn on the TV) and poof, her phone wasn't there when she went back for it. stupid fucking burglar. maybe he didn't have a phone and he wanted to tell all his friends that he has a new pet. maybe his first message was:
'hi, si (blank) 2. my balita aq sau, my bago aqng aso. buldog na mlaki. pnta k d2 sa haus. ppkta q sau aso q. bgo dn pla 2ng fne q, save mo # ah. pnta na u, d2 na me. :p'
haha.. i bet he didn't know that spike was a boxer and not a bulldog. damn him.
damn him.
-
Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 4:00 PM
You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.
|
philosophy? hah, i thought i would score highest in journalism..
anyway, i recieved a text message from my friend that says something like:
'if love is so good, why does it have to hurt so bad?'
i immediately replied with:
'because in order to feel what good is, you have to feel the hurt. you wouldn't know the difference if love didn't hurt. you wouldn't feel what good love brings. the more you hurt, the more love rewards you.'
hmm.. maybe i should be a philosophy major.
-
Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 4:25 PM
blog. blog. blog.
hay, kakatapos ko lang basahin ang isang libro na puno ng mabuting karunungan at maraming kagaguhan. Stainless Longganisa. Bow.
kung mapapansin nyo, ako'y nagsusulat gamit ang wikang Pilipino at hindi ang nakaugalian ko ng English. ito'y upang malaman ko kung mas babasahin nyo ang aking mga posts kapag sila'y tinagalog.. pero wala akong balak mag-tagalog habang buhay. titignan ko lang naman.
si bob ong. isa sa mga taong hinahangaan ko. taena, hayup kasi magsulat. katunayan nyan, lahat ng libro niya ay binasa ko.. kahit mahigpit nya itong pinagbabawal. kanina ko lang natapos yung pinaka-huli. kahapon ko sinimulan. kaya siguro sumasakit ang ulo ko ngayon kasi hindi pa ako masyadong natutulog. anong ginagawa ko sa harap ng pc? wala naman, nilulubos ko lang ang isang araw na pwede kong gamitin para mag-sulat. bawal kasi akong magka-sakit. alam mo na, theater diba?
ayan. theater. AA. hindi ko parin nabibili, nahihiram, o nananakaw ang mga extra costumes para sa play namin. nag critic's night kasi kami nung lingo (kahit hindi yun night). at sinabi sakin ng direktor namin na si kuya jon montes ang mga karagdagang costumes na dapat bilin. tulad ng:
- gloves. yung hindi pang-CAT (e.g. yung puti.) dapat may kulay. sige, hahanap ako.
- 3 additional costumes for Jewel. kasi nga naman, 3 din ang kanyang 'production numbers'. yun yung mga sandaling magsasayaw at kakanta siya. sige, hahanap parin ako.
- 3 pa ulit na abubot nila una at segunda. yung 'magkapareho pero hindi'. sige, hahanap parin ako.
- mas malaking belt ni Jewel.
- biogesic. sumasakit na talaga ang ulo ko.
- polo. solb na toh, tatanggalin ko nalang yung mga logo ng dating kong uniform nung highschool.
- John Garcia. isang beses ko palang toh nakikitang tumulong sa play na toh. siya ang karamay ko dapat sa paghahanap ng mga costumes nila. make-up ang ibinigay sa kanyang trabaho ng head namin. kaso di nya ata ginawa.. o nakalimutan lang niya? hmm..
- costumes head. di ko makita si ate claire eh, siya dapat ang costumes master at hindi ako. ayus lang, fourth year na eh. graduating. reasonable nga naman. basta dumating siya sa play at tumulong, saba'y makukuha ang lahat ng papuri (o mga pamimintas) para sa costumes. ayos lang.
- mas maraming biogesic. pumupulso na ang ulo ko sa sakit.
mapunta tayo sa usaping fourth year. si adrian. kilala mo siya diba? fourth year na rin siya. kaka-monthsary palang namin nung nakaraang lingo. sa bahay nila ako matutulog.
akala ko normal lang ang araw (o gabi) na yun. patulog na kasi kami nun eh. kakatapos ko lang maligo. eh malamig kaya naghanap ako ng kumot. sabi niya, sa 3rd floor nalang ulit kami.
fact: dun kami huling natulog.
mabalik sa usapan. sa second floor kasi kami nun. hindi kami kaagad umakyat kasi 'madumi ang third floor.' eh sa 3rd floor lang daw may kumot, kaya umakyat kami.
ayan, paakyat na kami. nung binuksan ko ang pinto.. may mga rose petals na nahulog. sa palibot ng kama ay mga kandila at mas marami pang rose petals.
dun ako kinausap ni adrian tunkol sa naging problema namin nung nakaraan (refer to the previous post). naramdaman niya kasi na parang nabalewala ko siya nung hindi ko sinabi sa kanya yung problema ko. sinabi ko ang rason. ang iba pang detalye, sikreto nalang. hehe, nabitin ka noh?
dun ko din nalamang hindi lang 6 months ang itatagal ni adrian sa london. 2 years pala. shet. dalawang taon un. third ear na (sana) ako nun. kakayanin ko bang magkahiwalay kami ng ganun katagal? oo. kaya ko. sigurado na ko dun.
2 araw akong hindi nakauwi. kina Mingu na kasi ako natulog pagkatapos ng rehearsals sa bahay nila kinabukasan. nakakatuwa yung mga alumni. natutuwa din sila sakin. hehe.. unang beses kong maging vendor ng agimat sa quiapo at may mga natuwa na sakin. ayos.
nakauwi ako ng bahay, umaga na ng tuesday. nag-taxi na ko. jhe kasi ung dala kong mga costumes. para akong naglayas sa laki n bag na dala ko. hindi ko na tinigilan ang pagbabasa ng Stainless Longganisa pagdaing sa bahay. kaya naman masakit ang ulo ko.
blog. blog. blog.
ang librong tunkol sa libro.
-
Tuesday, February 07, 2006 - 2:28 PM
it's been hell these passed few days..
everything seems to be going bad for me.. i mean, will i be able to cope up with all of this?
first of all, there's this problem with AA again. ate mimi doesn't seem to understand how hard it is for me to do all of these work for her. i mean, how could i get get costumes if i don't have the money yet.. and her constant blabbering doesn't make my job (or anybody else's job) any easier. she seems to be enjoying herself, making others (especially me) feel that we cannot do anything. last night, when i was on my way home on the LRT, she made a call. that really ruined all of me! ugh.. i just didn't get the purpose of that call.. maybe to further let me feel that i cannot do things.
what pisses me off is that she thinks SHE's always right. when i tell her my part, she chews it in her mouth, spits it out again and tadda: everything i said was wrong and she's right. well, she's not.
she doesn't know every problem that i am going through. i can't even think how i manage to smile.
when i have problems, i tend to curl myself into a big ball of thinking (e.g. self-pity, brainstorming, etc.). i am not used to dealing with these problems with anybody.. and usually, after i've curled up into that ball, i come up with a solution.. at the last minute or so..
i don't know, maybe because i am so used to being alone that i cannot manage to let anyone help me with my problems. i would appreciate the knowledge that even though i feel this crappy, they are still there.. but to let them know my problems is something that i cannot do easily.
maybe, this attitude of mine makes people feel that i do not appreciate them.. or maybe that i neglect them..
i stumbled on two of my poems that i didn't post here before. one was in my phone, and the other one in my yahoo notepad. here, come and see.
Untitled
Will i be like this forever?
A dead heart with dead desires..
A funny cadaver that pretends to live,
feigning beatitude.
I hold on to what i only have,
and what i only have is nothing..
In this, nothing really doesn't exist,
because for me, nothing is somthing.
Broken are the ideals i possess.
I will never be whole..
A part of me is lost.
All i have is noting..
I weep.
Oath
he who broke my silent pain.
who swore to ease the pain...
to take me out of the rain..
wipe me dry..
just to take away the pain
not to let me cry...
i weep. i cried.
i lost my soul...
he brought it back..
though he himself is shattered..
he tries to be whole..
just to fix me..
the scars are slowly healing..
my poems are really tragic.. and so is my life.
-